Celebrate LOVE!

February 14th, Valentine's Day.

Will I receive a card or flowers or candy this year?

Possibly from my children or grand children or my mother.

I delight in receiving those gifts but let's be honest, they just don't hold the same type of  sentiment as a gift or special dinner date with the "love of your life".

Three years ago, as I contemplated the stage of life I found myself, I was prompted to write a love note.  As I sat at the computer, the words bubbled up into my heart and spilled out with little thought on my part.  It was as if God whispered how much he adored spending time with me, asserting that no other human's affection would ever come close to the way he loved me.

Our journey to understand and feel the love of God is sometimes lived out faithfully to us by human beings.  

And there are also times when it is not.

 For years the love I sought was a self-serving, consumer love that never satisfied the deep longings in my heart.

As I have allowed access to my heart by the only One who truly knows me, 

He has tenderly cut away the foreskin of my heart

promulgating a healing I wasn't even aware was keeping me from receiving his pure love for me.

I'm wondering if there aren't more women who might need to be reminded of how they are loved.  Here's a letter from God's heart to yours.

My dearest~

You may not receive candy or flowers or be invited out to a fancy dinner by a handsome human this year on Valentine’s Day, and then again you might. Either way, this little note is a reminder that you are infinitely and eternally LOVED and VALUED by the BEST HUSBAND EVER, Jesus Christ your redeemer and the lover of your soul!!

I passionately pursue relationship with you in various unseen ways, wooing you and loving you well, giving you gifts of my love that are perfectly fitted to your unique personality.  

I invite you to spend time with me, 

to enjoy passionate conversation and genuine care in my presence.

 

I promise to give you infinitely more satisfaction and pleasure 

than the most handsome gentleman you have ever known or could ever imagine.  

I love you with a love that is faithful and true, 

unconditional and everlasting, 

WHO could love you better?  

You are a priceless treasure! 

I created you for myself and you are perfected in me!! 

Come out with me tonight, spend time with me, 

allow me tell you how I love you.

Happy Valentine’s Day my love!

Jesus

My prayer is you revel in the deep deep love of Jesus knowing that his never stopping, never giving up, always and forever love is enough!


Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds.  
Psalm 36:5

Five Minute Friday {SAFE}

Linking up with Kate Motaung at Five Minute Friday where a group of writers free write for five minutes with no revisions, no corrections, no edits. This week's word, SAFE

Setting the timer, Go:

When I think of the word safe, it describes the way I’ve lived my entire Christian life.  I haven’t taken a risk, not really.  I go to the prescribed place to sit in the pew and listen to the Word preached, talk with some people who look just like me for the most part and go home.  I live in a neighborhood that is diverse but I come and go back and forth from my car to my house in the safest way possible.  I lock doors and keep to myself in order to be “safe”.

This has been a conviction to my heart recently.  I don’t want to live “safe”.  I want to be dangerous for the kingdom of Jesus.  But what does that look like.  How do I move forward into places that don’t feel “safe”.  How do I befriend and connect with the people in my neighborhood that others would consider to be UNsafe.

I say I want to live the way Jesus lived but I don’t actually do it most of the time.  My every day looks pretty much the same as all the people I rub shoulders with on a regular basis.

What would it look like to really trust God with myself, with my time, with my money.  What would it look like if I actually took a risk and walked into the life of someone who wasn’t just like me.  

I know in my head Holy Spirit would meet me there, would enter into that place and time.  Oh that I would begin to live in a way that resembled Jesus more and more.

Oh that I would move from desiring safety to desiring more of Jesus, more of the way he lived and moved while he walked the same earth I’m walking today.  

That I would live reckless abandoned to his love, knowing I am loved and giving that love away to the people who would never walk into my local church.

STOP.

The picture above is part of a journal entry from March 2016. God has moved in my heart over and over this past year to leave the comfort and safety of religious practices and move into relationship with people who look and live differently. I don't do this perfectly or completely but the small changes I'm making as Holy Spirit prompts my heart will add up to something different in a year or two or ten. God works in the small everyday steps to take us from one place to another. He is ordering my steps and I will continue to follow Him.

Are you taking risks or living a safe and comfortable American Dream Gospel life? I'd love to hear how God is moving your heart from safety and comfort into the world around you that might seem unsafe.

Five Minute Friday {Control}

This is my first time posting to Five Minute Friday.  And I'm almost too late due to untimely circumstances in my family but I made it, just under the wire, I think.

The premise, use the word prompt for the week and write for five minutes without edits or revamping.  This is what I wrote in five minutes about the word Control~

There is no formula with God.  We cannot control how things will go, whether he shows up or speaks to us.  I find myself at times trying to do "just the right thing" to get God to meet me, to earn his favor, to garner a place at his table, to be included in his special chosen few.  When my desire for control shows up here, I cringe every time.  Me Control God?  How ridiculous!

But when my desire to control my adult children comes, I brush that right under the rug of Mother knows best and proceed to take my place on the throne.  All of our efforts to grasp control are feeble attempts to be God.  When I can see with the eyes of my heart in this way, it is easier to open up my hands and receive what the one true God intends for my day, my week, my life and for the lives of those around me.  

Control is an issue for all of us.  It's our attempt to be God. We just aren't always aware of how that desire to be God over ourselves and others manifests itself.

My prayer for me and for you is that we see how, when and where we are clinching our fists in an attempt to control and loosen our grip, ushering in freedom and life.

Perfect? Not Even Close

Piano lessons - I had years of them.  I remember walking the six blocks after school to Mrs. Bennett's little brown house across the way from the little league field for my weekly piano lesson.  I tried to hide my plain brown zippered pouch as I waited for the girl who carried the beautiful blue and green clear plastic tote with the mod flowers to finish her lesson.  The piano seemed to play itself as she laid her fingers on the keys.

As I sat nervously waiting for my lesson to commence, the angst in my heart grew.  I knew I wasn't prepared for my lesson, I hadn't practiced very much the week before. For a little girl who desired to be perfect I didn't seem to grasp the "practice makes perfect" mantra preached by mother each week, at least not when it came to piano lessons.  The Dozen A Day book didn't get more than a dozen a week and Mrs. Bennett's scowl and red pencil dates strewn across the top of the page indicated the unpleasant task of repeating the previous weeks' assignments and my little heart registered "still not good enough".  Oh, how I desired to play beautiful music on the piano.  I just made too many mistakes.  I couldn't play perfectly the first time, it felt impossible to my 4th grade self and so I gave up trying.  I gave up piano.  It never seemed good enough and it was definitely never going to be perfect.

As I read The Nesting Place 40 years later, along with the author's tag line "it doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful", something began a shift in my thinking.  For the very first time, it seemed another woman was pulling for me.  She was suggesting a new way.  I didn't immediately love it, although I wanted to.  It wasn't familiar to me, it was a strange and different concept, other worldly even.  No other women that I knew had ever lived out to me that something less than perfect could be good and acceptable, let alone beautiful.  But that truth dumped buckets of refreshing cool water on every dry and thirsty place in my middle-aged, weary soul.

And so I pick up my writing practice again after long months of procrastination and attempt what I wrongly perceive others can accomplish effortlessly.  The good work of practice, continuing on, making mistakes, learning as I go.  What a lovely thing.  My heart still desires perfect, as it was made to by my Father, but the permission I give myself to try, knowing Jesus was perfect so I don't have to be, is a beautiful way to live.

Uninvited, Not This Time!

So we know we are on a journey, right?  Each of God's sons and daughters is on a redemption journey, a journey to freedom, from sin and guilt and all.the.things that have kept us from walking in the freedom God paid for on our behalf with his blood.  So, enter this book launch thing and three chapters of a book dealing with the next thing on the what seems like a very long list of issues in my heart, REJECTION.

I've responded to other e-mails to be included on book launch teams, and every other time I was NOT chosen, NOT included, NOT needed, in a nutshell, Rejected.  Of course, I would brush it aside and not think too much about it but there was still a little sting and a whisper to my heart of "see, rejected again" and possibly a myriad of other voices from my past affirming a lie promulgated by a very sly enemy.

I can always point to the times I've experienced a true rejection .  Trying out for a solo in college choir and having a young inexperienced choir director embarrass me in front of the entire group by pointing out the southern twang of my voice as something to be disdained not applauded or celebrated as "lovely" is definitely REJECTION.  

But there are other times when rejection is something that is perceived.  Such as a conversation with a friend wherein I say, "hey next time you see your neighbor, give her my number, I'd like to connect with her" and her reply is something other than, "Oh, I sure will, you would be great friends" and more along the lines of "She was just over the other day and she and my other friend seemed to really hit it off".  In these situations, because of past instances of real rejection, I can have a tendency to perceive that comment as rejection when, in fact, my friend has no desire to reject ME, she's just speaking facts about what happened that week.  It's in those small moments of relating that my heart can be pummeled and hurt.  What someone else might view as an insignificant comment can poke an unhealed wound in my heart and at the very same time usher in my life long companion shame at the very thought that I am overly sensitive and interpreted that comment as a personal affront.  

As I look into my heart and identify my wounds with the help of the Spirit of Truth, God brings just the right medicine to clean out those wounds, stitch them up and bandage them over until the scars are formed.  Uninvited by Lysa Terkeurst, has been just what the doctor ordered, literally!!  The healer of hearts brought the first three chapters of Uninvited to my e-mail in-box and is using Lysa's words to help scrape clean a wound of rejection that has been untouched and allowed to fester far too long.

This journey is a life long process, religious folk call it sanctification, I call it a road to living in freedom!!  God is with me and God is for me.  As my very real wounds are healed, the enemy can aim his fiery darts at the wounds I've received as a result of living in a fallen world and they will hit a healed scar.  Instead of a festering wound pouring forth poison into my heart and mind, the overflow of my heart can then pour forth welcome, gentleness, kindness, grace and love into my own heart as well as the lives of those around me.  I can live loved!! or I can live out of unhealed wounds, turning away from the pain and ignoring the reality of the bondage they create, allowing the enemy to have ground that was bought and paid for on my behalf.

If you've ever felt uninvited, left out or rejected, and have never considered why those experiences continue producing "hurt feelings" in your heart as a child of God, pre-order a copy of Lysa's book. Take a step toward living in freedom, living loved by your creator, the way God intended his daughters and sons to live from the beginning!

For Freedom Christ has set us free.

Galatians 5:1a

The Way of Dying {Pain with a Purpose}

Death...why do we have to die...daily I mean?  We "Christians" throw around the words, "take up your cross daily" and "die to self" like it's no big deal.

Why do I not see how painful dying really is?  

I think about those around me, the ones who seem to be treading water for days, in a constant struggle to keep head above water, the choking and sputtering of trying to catch another breath and the immediate threat of suffocation.  I want to toss out a life vest, give some oxygen so they don't succumb to the fury and the torrent of the waves .  And when the dying involves ME, my treading water about to drown, I struggle and strive and fight.  Oh how I wish I could tell you I give in to the pain, that I allow my body to relax into the struggle so I am carried along in a relaxed posture to the next place.  No, my prayers seem to always be, "make it stop God".  Because MY way is NOT the dying first way.  My desire for comfort and ease dictates that this life be trouble/pain free and not so difficult to manage. My American Dream way of the Gospel, the safe, pain free, pass the next proverbial pill to alleviate the discomfort is not the true kingdom way of Jesus.

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies,

 it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.

John 12:24

And then I'm reminded of the ugly beautiful way of the cross.  The tight grip I have on MY way begins to release as my soul breathes in this truth and I exhale remembering the mother of God and how she watched her son die.  I can barely bring myself to watch the Passion of the Christ without turning away.  The agony and pain portrayed seems excruciating to watch as a reproduction and I can not even imagine what it was to behold first-hand.  But Mary, she was there, a ring-side seat to see her son as he struggled for life, probably not understanding what this suffering meant.  Thinking for sure this torture she was watching meant certain death and the end for her son.

Unlike Mary, I live on the other side of the cross.  Light has been given and I somewhat understand the mystery of the cross, this upside down way of  Jesus Kingdom and how we are to live.  But still I try to avoid the death to which I am called!  I am forever an amnesiac when it comes to the way of the Kingdom...forgetting that life comes when I die, that the poor are truly rich, the last will be first...I forget all those things as I live apart from the Gospel I profess to believe.

By God's kind grace today, I remember and chose to believe there is beauty crafted in the mess, that dying is not the end.  I can REST in knowing that God is accomplishing something bigger, other worldly even.  He's bringing LIFE out of death and producing something more glorious and wonderful than I could ever imagine.  I can rest because God is in charge, He is making all things new and He is faithful to complete what He begins.  He calls me to live in hard places with brokenness and mess within and all around and He delights in the right now, even when I only have eyes for the finished product!!

So very thankful for the Spirit bringing light to the dark places in my heart. Apart from His work, I would remain in bondage to fear and doubt and would never see the beauty in the messes along the way as He brings his kingdom to earth in me and all around me.

Blessings,

A New Practice {and my One Word 365}

It is April now and I'm just getting back to this work I began in January.  That tells you something about how life goes right there.  But the fact that I'm actually going to post this little gem and allow you to really know that part of my life and not just scrap this post and start something fresh, should also help you see where I have been and how God is moving me forward.  Hopefully, whoever reads this (if there be anyone) will resonate and be encouraged to "begin again"!

At the beginning of this year, 2016,  I did something I've never done before.  I felt the need to get away from everything (which for me means my people) and intentionally spend time alone looking back over the past year and looking forward to the year ahead.  As God continued to nudge (and I need lots of nudging) I packed a small bag, got in the car and drove two hours to a historic town and spent the night at a bed and breakfast where I had never stayed.  The General Lewis Inn has been on my radar for a long, long time and let me tell you, I was NOT disappointed.

After checking in at the desk, I made my way down the hall to a cozy little room just right for one and unpacked my things.  Dinner that night was delightful.  The atmosphere at the cozy restaurant was just right, linen table cloths, candlelight, a perfect setting for a date night.  My dinner companion for the evening sat quietly and listened intently as I confided my deepest desires and hopes for the coming year.  He was the perfect gentleman, never interrupting, just listening and affirming his love for me by whispering to my heart that I did not look ridiculous to the other guests simply because I was dining alone.

I slept soundly in the double bed and woke early even without an alarm.  I slipped down the hall to grab coffee and get myself situated for a little more conversation with the Spirit.  I sat quietly in the floor, Bible opened, journal and pen at the ready and sipped coffee and prayed for guidance as I tried to discern direction for the coming year.

God had given me a word for the year, Believe.  At first I struggled with the word itself because, "Believe" really God, I already believe, right?  I've been following you for over 25 years and my word this year is "Believe"?  I was absolutely convinced of the word, but had no idea what I was supposed to believe. Was I simply to believe God's promises?  Was my word for this year that general and vague?

As I began to wrestle through all the thoughts and desires of my heart, the dreams and visions for the coming year, the fear and doubt that seem to forever be a part of my cognitive musings, God revealed to me a more specific part of the word Believe.  As I opened my journal and began to scratch out the word in gold ink with swirling letters and place the date alongside the word, I glanced up to see this:

Just days before that I had written "God is for Me" from Romans 8 along with a question, "When will I fully believe this truth?"   When I saw what I had written, it was as if angels began to sing the Hallelujah Chorus ever so softly and affirm in my heart the intention God had for my one word this year. "God is for you".   How kind and gracious my God is, to show up in a very direct and evident way to reveal the intentions He had for my one word.  He is always faithful, even when I question and doubt.  He never wavers in his love or changes His mind about the plans he has begun unfolding.  There may not be an immediate recognition of the unfolding of His plans but that's okay.  I don't have to understand every aspect of how He is moving for this year today.  I can trust his heart one day at a time, one week at a time, believing He is for me and live life intentionally, opening my hand to what He might have next, no matter what that may look like.

Now FAITH (believing) is the substance of things hoped for

the evidence of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:1