Healing a little more

Healing is a slow process...takes time.  The deeper the wound the more time it takes to get all the poison out.  Sometimes wounds have to be debrieded.  The doctor unbandages the wound exposing the infected area, cleans out all the infection and then puts in medicine, rebandages and hopes it will heal, a little more.  Sometimes the individual must go through pain as this process is occuring, and the patient most often in the case of a severe wound, will have to irrigate the wound daily, washing away infection and then apply more medicine to promote healing, rebandaging and then going to yet another appointment where the doctor examines the progress and gives more directions.

So it is with the great physician and our heart wounds.  They must be opened up, irrigated, scraped clean of the poison of lies or half-truths, then healing truth can be applied and the hurt is bandaged up again until the next appointed time our Father calls us to allow him to do His work.  This is such a seemingly unpleasant task but oh so necessary in order for us to be all He intends for us to be, to be a vessel clean and empty and whole for His use.

As I read Psalm 103 I was reminded in verse 3 "who heals all your diseases"...He desires to do so...will we let him do his "doctoring" on our wounded hearts??  So often I don't want to "go there" so to speak.  The truth of what lies hidden underneath the surface of what is seen is often painful to deal with and ugly and makes me just wanna keep it all covered up and not allow anyone to look there, not even God (like we can hide what's there from Him)!  And then to allow the Spirit to guide my mind into those hidden places and prod and scrape and uncover more and on and on it goes, this process orchestrated by the Great Physician. Without this process, my wounds will never be healed.  Prayerfully I keep in mind this truth...it is necessary business and I must make my appointment with the Great Physician and trust He works all things for my good!!

So blessed in reading Psalm 103 and memorizing those words so when it is time my mind will drift to the truth of how it is to be that I will be wholly free and complete in Him!

and Grace flows down...

He Speaks...

What grace is mine that He who dwells in endless light

Called through the night to find my distant soul

And from His scars poured mercy that would plead for me

That I might live and in His Name be known

So I will go wherever He is calling me

I'll lose my life to find my life in Him

I give my all to gain the hope that never dies

I bow my heart take up my cross and follow Him

What grace is mine to know His breath alive in me

Beneath His wings my wakened soul may soar

All fear can flee for death's dark night is overcome

My savior lives and reigns forevermore

So I will go wheerever He is calling me

I'll lose my life to find my life in Him

I give my all to gain the hope that never dies

I bow my heart take up my cross and follow Him

I bow my heart, take up my cross and follow Him

With tears streaming I worshipped My Savior, turning up the volume so I could hear it louder~this song randomly (not a chance) playing for my heart to savor the Truth it held.  Music continues to be such a vital part of healing for my heart/soul.  I will NEVER forget the very first CD I purchased when God grabbed my heart and began to squeeze and tug and crush...I had no idea what to buy, I just knew that music was a powerful tool to change the pattern of my thoughts.  I popped that CD into the player on the van I was then driving and began to revel in the truth that poured from those speakers right into the depths of my broken heart!  My Father knew exactly what I needed to hear from Him and He spoke it right then and there and began a long process of tranforming my thoughts and heart to know the Truth of Who He IS and how He loves, even me. 

This song, sun by Kristen Getty this morning spoke the very truth I needed to hear...follow me, bow your heart, go anywhere, do not fear...on and on and on the truth rings.  Do you hear it?  Does the Truth of who Jesus Christ is fall on your broken heart?  Sometimes we must be intentional about what is on our radio station or in our CD player...God doesn't always just "cause you to hear" whatever, you name it...maybe based on your own knowledge and information, I don't know...He's in charge of that.  But for ME, a little girl who grew up in church knowing music and loving to sing, I knew and God prompted and I went to the Christian book store with the intent of purchasing something that would lead me to another place, a place I had no idea how to find, a place of comfort and truth and refuge from the life I was living that brought me nothing but disappointment and pain.  And by God's grace and for His glory and because He loved me for His name's sake...HE CAME THROUGH FOR ME!!  Like He always does.  I am so grateful and thankful that His love is not like mine, that He loves with an EVERLASTING, NEVER CHANGING Love that I cannot even fathom...and He lavishes it on me, the least of the least, as Paul says, the chief of sinners...no wonder we sing AMAZING GRACE...it is just that Unfathomable!!

A Little Deeper

And it continues, the journey, the calling to something more, something deeper...and I cringe at the thought of more TRUTH revealed...truth about things I am and have been and regret and detest and I read:

"Long, I am woman who speaks but one language,

the language of the fall--discontentment and self-condemnation,

 the critical eye and the never satisfied" 

      ~Ann Voskamp

and the truth of those words hangs in my mind, my heart, searing who I want to be and revealing who I really am.  And I think on it and resist naming it because when you give it a name, it becomes real and then it must be dealt with.  No longer acceptable to sweep it under the rug or turn a blind eye, because you are no longer blind to the truth. Until it is confronted there will be no peace..it will hang there, waiting, taunting, begging for attention, action of some sort.

TRUTH WOUNDS

sears into the heart, reveals things long hidden, pushed down hopefully to be pushed out but it's always there...waiting

TRUTH HEALS

That's what I have asked for, healing.  That's the road I want to take, the trudging through the mud and muck to get to the cool green grass that's waiting on the other side of hurt, the trudging through thoughts of regret, things undone and realizing that attitudes are caught..hard laborious marching on to the next revelation of truth knowing that truth brings with it hope...hope of change, hope of what can only be accomplished when we are honest~

honest about who we really are

 and what we see when we are confronted with the TRUTH.

Love Is...

Anyone remember these from the newspapers years ago?

I remember one such that I clipped,  "Love is...never having to say you're sorry".  I probably still have that yellowed, tattered piece of newspaper in a box somewhere in the attic!!

When we think about "LOVE" we often think that we should express our love to another with deeds of kindness or gifts, even gifts of time.  I actually have a little cross I received at a ladies conference as a momento from the keynote speaker that says LOVE DOES and I certainly don't want to discount  that in order for people to know we love them, we have to express it.  But what if we expressed it by what we did not do...

"...love does not envy or boast;
it is not arrogant or rude.
  It does not insist on its own way;
 it is not irritable or resentful,
 it does not rejoice in wrongdoing..."

 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 

ENVY...always being content with our lot in life


RUDE?

 

As I read the words IRRITABLE and RESENTFUL I was struck by the fact that I am often irritated by one thing or another and frequently I am confronted with the fact that I resent having to do this or that and if we're going to be brutally honest here I do like for things to be done my way...control is something else God has been working out of my life over the past few years...I'm a control freak in recovery! ;o) 

One of the AMAZING things about having a relationship with Jesus is that when the Spirit of Truth reveals these things to your heart and you ask Him to help you recognize when you're doing it...HE WILL!  In fact, the morning I read these words and asked to be reminded, He reminded me all right.  About an hour later I found myself in a situation at work becoming increasingly IRRITATED and immediately the thought came..."you're doing it".  WOW!! I was rebuked, and awed by the answer to my prayer, and the subsequent flow of grace that came and enabled me to continue my work with a different attitude. 

I don't know about you, but I want the people I come into contact with to know I love them...whether it's my family, my friends, my co-workers or someone I hardly know at all who God sovereignly appoints to come across my path on any given day!

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another,

 just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. 

 By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another" 

John 13:34-35

"Pursue love..."

1 Corinthians 14...the very first words!

The Beginning

Truth be told I've lived in fear for most of my life.  When I was a child it was a fear of the dark, never ever going down the hallway to my bedroom without the hall light on or snakes, hate, hate HATE snakes or some other random thing.  As I got older the fear became a little more sophisticated, more inward, hidden, at least I thought so~I'd call them big girl fears, but fear just the same.  Fear of failing, fear of disappointing someone, fear of rejection, fear of being alone, etc. etc.

Fear is a funny thing, it takes you captive and keeps you from experiencing things you are not completely comfortable with, such as writing a blog and having other people know about it, and possibly read it and them possibly THINK something about it and heaven forbid they (whoever "they" are) tell you what they're thinking about it and if it's negative, well then, you just quit doing it....

Over the past ten years, God has been systematically freeing me from my fears, one at a time it seems (I'm kindof a slow learner...had to do some repeating..isn't he gracious to us slow ones).  I don't think I realized just what a fearing heart I had until it came time to follow Him along a path totally unfamiliar, something new...a new calling...a calling to FREEDOM!! 

And that's where this little blog comes into play!  This is just the next step for me, another step towards total and complete freedom from fear.  As with each new assignment, I have trepidation looming in the recesses of my mind, threatening to keep me from chosing the "publish" button, which will allow "others" to get a peek into my heart, to really get to know the person inside the tall slender dark haired girl with the "very distinctive voice" (that's how some have described me).

I have no idea how this little adventure will turn out.  I'm just following along behind my Shephard day by day as I'm given a new challenge, a new goal and I know His grace will flow down and cover me as I attempt to obey His voice whispering soft and low to this little lamb....fear not, for I will go with you!