Uninvited, Not This Time!

So we know we are on a journey, right?  Each of God's sons and daughters is on a redemption journey, a journey to freedom, from sin and guilt and all.the.things that have kept us from walking in the freedom God paid for on our behalf with his blood.  So, enter this book launch thing and three chapters of a book dealing with the next thing on the what seems like a very long list of issues in my heart, REJECTION.

I've responded to other e-mails to be included on book launch teams, and every other time I was NOT chosen, NOT included, NOT needed, in a nutshell, Rejected.  Of course, I would brush it aside and not think too much about it but there was still a little sting and a whisper to my heart of "see, rejected again" and possibly a myriad of other voices from my past affirming a lie promulgated by a very sly enemy.

I can always point to the times I've experienced a true rejection .  Trying out for a solo in college choir and having a young inexperienced choir director embarrass me in front of the entire group by pointing out the southern twang of my voice as something to be disdained not applauded or celebrated as "lovely" is definitely REJECTION.  

But there are other times when rejection is something that is perceived.  Such as a conversation with a friend wherein I say, "hey next time you see your neighbor, give her my number, I'd like to connect with her" and her reply is something other than, "Oh, I sure will, you would be great friends" and more along the lines of "She was just over the other day and she and my other friend seemed to really hit it off".  In these situations, because of past instances of real rejection, I can have a tendency to perceive that comment as rejection when, in fact, my friend has no desire to reject ME, she's just speaking facts about what happened that week.  It's in those small moments of relating that my heart can be pummeled and hurt.  What someone else might view as an insignificant comment can poke an unhealed wound in my heart and at the very same time usher in my life long companion shame at the very thought that I am overly sensitive and interpreted that comment as a personal affront.  

As I look into my heart and identify my wounds with the help of the Spirit of Truth, God brings just the right medicine to clean out those wounds, stitch them up and bandage them over until the scars are formed.  Uninvited by Lysa Terkeurst, has been just what the doctor ordered, literally!!  The healer of hearts brought the first three chapters of Uninvited to my e-mail in-box and is using Lysa's words to help scrape clean a wound of rejection that has been untouched and allowed to fester far too long.

This journey is a life long process, religious folk call it sanctification, I call it a road to living in freedom!!  God is with me and God is for me.  As my very real wounds are healed, the enemy can aim his fiery darts at the wounds I've received as a result of living in a fallen world and they will hit a healed scar.  Instead of a festering wound pouring forth poison into my heart and mind, the overflow of my heart can then pour forth welcome, gentleness, kindness, grace and love into my own heart as well as the lives of those around me.  I can live loved!! or I can live out of unhealed wounds, turning away from the pain and ignoring the reality of the bondage they create, allowing the enemy to have ground that was bought and paid for on my behalf.

If you've ever felt uninvited, left out or rejected, and have never considered why those experiences continue producing "hurt feelings" in your heart as a child of God, pre-order a copy of Lysa's book. Take a step toward living in freedom, living loved by your creator, the way God intended his daughters and sons to live from the beginning!

For Freedom Christ has set us free.

Galatians 5:1a

The Way of Dying {Pain with a Purpose}

Death...why do we have to die...daily I mean?  We "Christians" throw around the words, "take up your cross daily" and "die to self" like it's no big deal.

Why do I not see how painful dying really is?  

I think about those around me, the ones who seem to be treading water for days, in a constant struggle to keep head above water, the choking and sputtering of trying to catch another breath and the immediate threat of suffocation.  I want to toss out a life vest, give some oxygen so they don't succumb to the fury and the torrent of the waves .  And when the dying involves ME, my treading water about to drown, I struggle and strive and fight.  Oh how I wish I could tell you I give in to the pain, that I allow my body to relax into the struggle so I am carried along in a relaxed posture to the next place.  No, my prayers seem to always be, "make it stop God".  Because MY way is NOT the dying first way.  My desire for comfort and ease dictates that this life be trouble/pain free and not so difficult to manage. My American Dream way of the Gospel, the safe, pain free, pass the next proverbial pill to alleviate the discomfort is not the true kingdom way of Jesus.

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies,

 it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.

John 12:24

And then I'm reminded of the ugly beautiful way of the cross.  The tight grip I have on MY way begins to release as my soul breathes in this truth and I exhale remembering the mother of God and how she watched her son die.  I can barely bring myself to watch the Passion of the Christ without turning away.  The agony and pain portrayed seems excruciating to watch as a reproduction and I can not even imagine what it was to behold first-hand.  But Mary, she was there, a ring-side seat to see her son as he struggled for life, probably not understanding what this suffering meant.  Thinking for sure this torture she was watching meant certain death and the end for her son.

Unlike Mary, I live on the other side of the cross.  Light has been given and I somewhat understand the mystery of the cross, this upside down way of  Jesus Kingdom and how we are to live.  But still I try to avoid the death to which I am called!  I am forever an amnesiac when it comes to the way of the Kingdom...forgetting that life comes when I die, that the poor are truly rich, the last will be first...I forget all those things as I live apart from the Gospel I profess to believe.

By God's kind grace today, I remember and chose to believe there is beauty crafted in the mess, that dying is not the end.  I can REST in knowing that God is accomplishing something bigger, other worldly even.  He's bringing LIFE out of death and producing something more glorious and wonderful than I could ever imagine.  I can rest because God is in charge, He is making all things new and He is faithful to complete what He begins.  He calls me to live in hard places with brokenness and mess within and all around and He delights in the right now, even when I only have eyes for the finished product!!

So very thankful for the Spirit bringing light to the dark places in my heart. Apart from His work, I would remain in bondage to fear and doubt and would never see the beauty in the messes along the way as He brings his kingdom to earth in me and all around me.

Blessings,

A New Practice {and my One Word 365}

It is April now and I'm just getting back to this work I began in January.  That tells you something about how life goes right there.  But the fact that I'm actually going to post this little gem and allow you to really know that part of my life and not just scrap this post and start something fresh, should also help you see where I have been and how God is moving me forward.  Hopefully, whoever reads this (if there be anyone) will resonate and be encouraged to "begin again"!

At the beginning of this year, 2016,  I did something I've never done before.  I felt the need to get away from everything (which for me means my people) and intentionally spend time alone looking back over the past year and looking forward to the year ahead.  As God continued to nudge (and I need lots of nudging) I packed a small bag, got in the car and drove two hours to a historic town and spent the night at a bed and breakfast where I had never stayed.  The General Lewis Inn has been on my radar for a long, long time and let me tell you, I was NOT disappointed.

After checking in at the desk, I made my way down the hall to a cozy little room just right for one and unpacked my things.  Dinner that night was delightful.  The atmosphere at the cozy restaurant was just right, linen table cloths, candlelight, a perfect setting for a date night.  My dinner companion for the evening sat quietly and listened intently as I confided my deepest desires and hopes for the coming year.  He was the perfect gentleman, never interrupting, just listening and affirming his love for me by whispering to my heart that I did not look ridiculous to the other guests simply because I was dining alone.

I slept soundly in the double bed and woke early even without an alarm.  I slipped down the hall to grab coffee and get myself situated for a little more conversation with the Spirit.  I sat quietly in the floor, Bible opened, journal and pen at the ready and sipped coffee and prayed for guidance as I tried to discern direction for the coming year.

God had given me a word for the year, Believe.  At first I struggled with the word itself because, "Believe" really God, I already believe, right?  I've been following you for over 25 years and my word this year is "Believe"?  I was absolutely convinced of the word, but had no idea what I was supposed to believe. Was I simply to believe God's promises?  Was my word for this year that general and vague?

As I began to wrestle through all the thoughts and desires of my heart, the dreams and visions for the coming year, the fear and doubt that seem to forever be a part of my cognitive musings, God revealed to me a more specific part of the word Believe.  As I opened my journal and began to scratch out the word in gold ink with swirling letters and place the date alongside the word, I glanced up to see this:

Just days before that I had written "God is for Me" from Romans 8 along with a question, "When will I fully believe this truth?"   When I saw what I had written, it was as if angels began to sing the Hallelujah Chorus ever so softly and affirm in my heart the intention God had for my one word this year. "God is for you".   How kind and gracious my God is, to show up in a very direct and evident way to reveal the intentions He had for my one word.  He is always faithful, even when I question and doubt.  He never wavers in his love or changes His mind about the plans he has begun unfolding.  There may not be an immediate recognition of the unfolding of His plans but that's okay.  I don't have to understand every aspect of how He is moving for this year today.  I can trust his heart one day at a time, one week at a time, believing He is for me and live life intentionally, opening my hand to what He might have next, no matter what that may look like.

Now FAITH (believing) is the substance of things hoped for

the evidence of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:1

Small = Insignificant {don't believe the lie}

I pulled up this little space on the internet to once again speak about what was in my heart, which I felt was important to speak, for myself and possibly for others.  My thoughts were related to being small, not despising the small, that God came small.  He comes to the poor in Spirit.  He comes to the outcast and always to the broken.

And then my eyes landed on this post written by a man I sometimes read but not always and my focus was turned, at least I thought my focus was turned.  It's all kind of related really, very subtly related.

After reading through My Wife's Plea to Christian Men I recognized a tendency that has developed in the church, the tendency to want to cut off the fruit without addressing the root.  Could there be something that has been forgotten or overlooked?  Maybe the forgotten, the small is really significant and not the other way around.  You see sin, no matter what it looks like, is a big deal and it is always an issue of the heart.

The Gospel is and always has been an issue of the heart.  Every sin we commit, is not simply a fruit that needs to be lopped off, it is an issue IN OUR HEART.  But here's one problem, we don't want to look into our hearts to see the depth of who we really are, to acknowledge the broken places that need attention and need healing.  We don't want to bring the small things of our heart, the secret things of the heart that seem insignificant, out into the light with our spouse or a trusted mentor BEFORE they manifest themselves into the BIG things.  

Two side comments on that last statement:

1.  There is no BIG sin, little sin...she's right when she states:

"This isn't a special sin, it is just sin:  

God-belittling, Christ-mocking, Spirit-despising sin"

That statement applies to ALL our sin...we've just forgotten or maybe we just don't want to remember or admit that our misuse of food or off-hand snarky comment to our friend or selfishness is really sin.  We don't want to pull out our anger issue, or discontentment because we have been deceived into believing that it so small what we really need to do is just cover it with a band-aid so no one can see it until it goes away.  We don't see our desperate need of rescue until our heart manifests itself in some more obvious way.  What we need is not a band-aid but radical surgery, even in regard to the seemingly smaller. less obvious issues in our hidden heart, and not just one time, EVERY.SINGLE.DAY!!

2.  Let's admit what is not happening consistently in the local church ~ there is very little heart to heart, painfully honest, sin confessing, burden bearing, on our knees grieving, side by side mentoring happening in the church at large.  I'm not saying it is NOT happening at all, it is.  It's happening small and secret and God is in those places accomplishing purposes for his kingdom that no one ever sees.  And that's how it has been from the beginning!!!  God came small, to a manger, to the poor and He showed his glory to a few, insignificant, dirty stinky shepherds!!  And He still works the same way!

There is HOPE and POWER in the Gospel.  It's found when we sit with our friends in the more obvious places of brokenness like adultery and porn addition and it's found when we sit with our 4-year old in the midst of her temper tantrum that only a few are aware of.  In both situations there is a HEART issue and the rescue needed in every situation we face, big or small, is provided by the HOPE and POWER of the Gospel through the Spirit of Truth that is alive within us.

If we aren't willing to look to the small issues, there will always be bigger issues eventually.  The infection of sin just sits there underneath the band-aid of secrecy and shame until it festers into something more obvious.  The ONLY way to stop the BIG (more obvious) manifestations of sin is to rip off the band-aid and start confessing your small, seemingly insignificant heart issues to God first, (obviously he already knows your heart anyway), and then to a REAL LIVE PERSON!!!  There is no other way.  We were created for community and relationship and it looks a lot different than just showing up at Bible study on Tuesday morning or Wednesday evening small group or even Thursday Men's prayer time.  If there's not more going on between the men and women in these times of gathering together than discussing the truth of scripture or praying for the needs of the people around you, then we're missing the boat, and we're missing it BIG!!  Keeping the little foxes hidden in the secret depths of our heart is only going to create more of what we see already happening in our easy access, at your fingertips, hidden in the palm of your hand, self gratifying culture of individualism and secrecy.  How WILL it stop?  Well, not by just stopping, that's for sure.  After the infection of sin has grown to the obvious, then sure, you need to stop but what else?  Where do you go from there?  What's the real remedy to the malady of sin and addiction? 

Simple answer? Look in your own heart.  Ask the Spirit to reveal your sin and then confess it, repent and believe the TRUTH about who you are and who God is!!  Live life every day with the understanding that what Tim Keller says is true:

"The gospel is this:  We are more sinful and flawed in ourselves than we ever dared believe, yet at the very same time we are more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope."

And enter into relationship with a trusted human who is sinful just like you and sees their need of Jesus in the small, insignificant, less obvious manifestations of sin in their own life.  After listening to this interview with Tullian Tchividjian I'm tempted to think he might agree with this prescription!

The churning that started my thoughts in regard to what this post turned out to be look quite different than what I first envisioned.  The culmination of this post is birthed out of what is graciously being worked in my own heart that was prompted after interacting with some very special women over the past few weeks.  Women who sit in bedrooms on Sunday afternoon for 2 hours pouring out the small. gut level honest, hard truth about the struggles in her heart.  Women who come and eat and chat till past midnight about what is happening in her heart and life after working a 12 hour shift.  Women who admit that their lives are hard and chaotic and desperately lonely!  Women who love me in my mess and who send me text messages that read:

 "This was encouraging to me--'rather than resenting my weakness,
I believe Jesus is asking me to confess my weakness.  Being poor in spirit doesn't mean despising self but releasing self from the expectation of being anything but poor. Small. Helpless. Worn.'"  (emphasis mine)

 credit Simply Tuesday.  

This nurturing of life doesn't just happen in the lives of women around me, although it seems that women are more accustomed to this type of relating.  It's not impossible for men to move from their head to their heart and be honest with themselves and one another about what's really going on deep down where we forget to look.  But it takes intention, time and an understanding that this little thing is kind of a big thing, that confessing sin and bearing one another's burdens needs to begin with the seemingly small, insignificant sin in our heart.  Small does not equal insignificant.  Maybe seeing that the small is necessary and significant and beneficial and preventative is a beginning to understanding how we got here in the first place.

My heart grieves too over the brokenness I see, not only in the headlines and around me but within my own heart.  Let's preach the Gospel to ourselves over and over and live every day knowing that we are small, needy sinners in need of rescue by a BIG God.

Is the Gospel Working for You?

Is the GOSPEL working for you?  

What kind of question is that?  Of course it's working for me, I believed and now I'm free of the penalty of sin and I'm not ever going to die, and, well, yeah, it worked.  

But what about now?  Is is working now?  

Are you being transformed by it's power NOW?  Are you walking in freedom now?

Is freedom even possible?  FREEDOM now, in this life, on this earth?  I want to believe that it is.  When Galatians 5:1 states that "it was for FREEDOM that Christ set us free", I want to believe that living a life of freedom is a definite reality.  But today my heart is grieving over all the bondage I see (in myself and others) and I'm not talking about addiction that is visible because it has come to it's complete end and is manifest for all to see in any number of ways.  I'm talking about people in the church pew, people who go to church, who claim to be disciples of Jesus and yet their indwelling sin is made manifest by the words that proceed out of their mouth.

No condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus as Paul declares in Romans 8:1, there is forgiveness and grace and mercy flowing from these words and great sorrow and anguish of heart at what I see being lived out of lives I know have experienced the saving grace of Christ.  

BUT, and I'm not even sure what to write next...that BUT is killing me, grieving my heart and creating anxious prayers for healing and redemption of these things that are only seen in close proximity as life is lived day in and day out. These issues haven't manifested themselves into full blown visible sin, addiction to alcohol or whatever, pornography or infidelity or you name your favorite visible sin state.  These are issues of the heart,  discontentment, anger and frustration, gossip, self-centered actions and words flowing from hearts that point to other things that dwell there, possibly undiscovered and seemingly unchecked.  IF there is knowledge of these hidden things in the heart and confession has been made to someone they trust, there seems to be no turning to Jesus for what is needed to satisfy the weariness of these souls.  There is no healing taking place...forgiveness ABSOLUTELY but what about HEALING...what about living in freedom and killing these disgusting little foxes that will spoil the vine?  And that is exactly what these little hidden issues (lest we call them what they are) have the potential to do.  Big sin starts in the heart...no one wakes up one day and says, "hey I think I'll have an affair today".  That sounds so silly but it's so very true.  There is danger lurking in OUR HEARTS, not all around us as we seemingly believe...IT IS INSIDE OF US!!!  WE have the potential to participate in the most grotesque sin our minds can fathom, the one we've said, "I would NEVER do that".  Get a grip, Yes, you would and so would I.  

So, what's the cure?  How do we defeat the sin inside of us?  How do we attain this elusive freedom?  Here's something for ya, YOU ALREADY HAVE IT, you're just not walking in it!!!  Our freedom was purchased the day Jesus nailed our sin to the cross.  But HOW do we "walk in freedom"?  

QUIT HIDING!!!  

We hide, just like Adam and Eve in the garden, we're hiding from God and our friends and 

constructing our suit of fig leaves to cover our shame!! 

The ways in which we come out of hiding and own our sin look different for everyone but the effect is the same.  When we bring our hidden sin out into the light, when we name it and turn to Jesus, and are accountable to someone (a counselor, a recovery group) there is power then to heal.  That's when you gain the POWER of the Gospel to overcome these little annoying personality straits that seem like they're just who you are...name them, call sin sin and experience healing and the power of the Gospel to CHANGE YOU!!  

Please read this with the understanding that the writer is still working diligently, pursuing freedom, confessing sin to sisters in Christ and turning to Jesus for the power to live free of my annoying sin habits.  I am THANKFUL beyond measure for women in my life (and a wonderful professional counselor) who not only believe the Gospel, they live out the Gospel to me every day!!  They love me in all my brokenness and walk with me as I trudge through this life living out of my wounded broken self.  They, are merciful and forgiving and welcoming and I will be eternally grateful for the community God is building!! 

You Girls ROCK!!!

To the rest I leave you with these words:

You're FORGIVEN

BE FREE!!

Monday Mahem

For the tired Mommas on  a Monday~

Mondays are always hard.  After the weekend Mondays are just, well Mondays.  We all know what it looks like to have a "Monday".

I bet your Monday activities were pretty ordinary as Mondays go.  Meaning the kids woke up earlier than expected because after a full weekend they will surely sleep a little longer...not a chance!!  For some reason, unknown to anyone but them, they would rather play with their food than eat it, and can anyone explain why they feel the need to pull out every toy in the toy box only to play with it five minutes before moving on to something a little more interesting and why is one outfit a day an unreasonable request.  They ask a million and one questions that come from who knows where, that you confidently answer but learn in a nano second the answer you gave was obviously insufficient because immediately out of their mouth spills yet another demanding a response.  One minute they are reading quietly on the bed until they realize you've left the room and are conversing with someone else and they feel the need to scream your name at the top of their lungs just to make sure you haven't been transported through that smart phone never to be seen again.  Oh how these little episodes seem to unravel the nerves of Mommas everywhere!

I wish during those seemingly endless days of struggle and frustration I could give you a little glimpse into the life of a sweet Momma I know. I bet she would give her right arm to feel frustration over some of your Monday mayhem.  You see, her little man has been battling cancer for a while now.  This little bald dude isn't doing the normal things that cause the frustration to loom as you navigate yet another day of mundane Monday mayhem.   He has been in the hospital numerous times, without his siblings to hit over the head or punch or swipe their favorite snack while they aren't looking.  He has been fighting for his life.  He is better now, finished with his chemo and before long his Momma will be experiencing the same type of "normal" Mondays you other Moms are having, with one exception; She probably won't be aggravated by the questions or frustrated with her disorderly house because of his playing or spilling.  She will most likely be THANKFUL that her little man is there living and breathing, fighting with his siblings and spilling his cereal on the floor!!  She has learned something very valuable over the past year; life is short, kids get sick, we take for granted what normal looks like.  We grumble and complain because we don't see that we have so much to be thankful for!  The endless days of instructing and loving and teaching and mothering don't seem so overwhelming when you understand that they are gifts, gifts of grace.  You could be at a hospital in another state waiting with your little one whose tummy is grumbling because the test he's supposed to have requires an empty stomach and he hasn't been able to eat and they don't have what they need for the test so he has to wait longer and longer until he finally falls asleep exhausted and hungry!!  You could be watching as the nurse assigned to him for the day inserts yet another needle into his little 3 year old arm so that he can receive yet another dose of something that is supposed to cure but will most likely make him severely sick and uncomfortable before it does any real good.  You could be sleeping in a hospital chair night after night while someone else cares for your other children 150 miles away because YOU are his Momma and he needs you with him so he isn't afraid.

So, at the end of your Monday or beginning of your Tuesday, take a little time to consider what your days could look like and be THANKFUL for the endless questions, the piles of clothes in the floor and the sibling rivalry that never seems to end.  Life is short, it can change in an instant.  Your once "normal" activities can quickly be replaced by trips to other towns where hospitals know more, have more and can do more, where you sleep in a chair and go days eating take out and wishing you could go back to the way it used to be because as hard as that was, THIS seems intolerable.

Oh, and one more thing, you're doing a GREAT job Mom!!  Shaping the minds and hearts of young ones is something to be proud of, to be considered profitable and important!!  Mothering is demanding and exhausting and endlessly rewarding on the other side.  Take a deep breath and before your know it, your nest will be empty and your days will be filled with quiet reflection on days gone by all too quickly!!

This momma writes from a heart full of memories of little girls who have grown into fine women!!  xoxo

Need A Good Book?

I'm reading a great little book (the book I'm currently reading is ALWAYS my favorite) entitled "A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23"  It's written by Phillip Keller (not to be confused with Tim Keller) who at one time worked as a Shepherd.  The book is quite small, less than 150 pages, but is packed with great insights into what sheep deal with in terms of dangers and enemies and how the Good Shepherd will go to great lengths and expense to care for them.  This book is more than just a sweet explanation of this all too familiar Psalm, it is a poignant look at the imagery hidden among the verses and gives insight into how God as our Good Shepherd cares for his stubborn, dumb sheep, in other words, his children.

After a  lengthy explanation as to WHY the Psalmist states certain things (i.e. you anoint my head with oil) the various means and purposes and time of year this is necessary for sheep, the author is careful to explain just what each verse means for the children of God, and how tender and kind our Good Shepherd is to us.

Here's a snippet of what I read this morning with regard to Chapter Ten "Thou Anointest My Head With Oil"

"If He is the One who has all knowledge and wisdom and understanding of my affairs and management; if He is able to cope with every situation, good or bad, that I encourter, then surely I should be satisfied with His care.  

In a wonderful way my cup, or my lot in life, is a happy one that overflows with benefits of all sorts." 

I have no idea what sort of trials or temptations or irritations are present in your life right now, but I know my own circumstance and my thoughts in regard to that quote were like those expressed in the paragraph immediately following:

"The trouble is most of us just don't see it this way.  Especially when troubles or disappointments come along, we are apt to feel forgotten by our Shepherd.  We act as though He had fallen down on the job."

The enemy of my soul has been hounding my mind with lies, continuallly relentless in his pursuit to discourage my heart, to cause me to doubt how God has is and will care for every need I have, and honestly making me quite miserable the past few weeks.  The next paragraph was a great reminder of who my Shepherd is:

"Actually He is never asleep.  He is never lax or careless.  

He is never indifferent to our well-being.  

Our Shepherd always has our best interests in mind."

I am so forgetful, I need reminding every day of WHO my Father is and how he loves.  I need to hear or read the truth because my mind is bombarded with lies from within and without on an hourly basis. "A Shepherd Looks at Psalm 23" has helped me do that this week, maybe grabbing a copy would be just the medicine your soul needs as well.  

So today, on this Sunday, I am resting and waiting for God to work all the plans He has for me.  We can trust His heart...He is not holding out on us, as our first mother, Eve believed.  Let us, this Sunday, invite the Spirit to bring rest to our weary souls and confidence to our minds of the love and care of our Good Shepherd!!