Letters to Lisa {nombre un}

Dearest Lisa -

I see you.  You may not believe that anyone notices you, but I do.  I've seen you all along but only recently realized how important is it that I share my heart with you.  I have a couple things I'd like to say, since we're sisters and all.  I hope you'll be able to receive these words and not believe they are criticisms.  I truly offer them to you with love, out of a deep desire to see your life flourish.  I believe you're holding back, maybe you're afraid, maybe the lens you look through is clouded and you can't see clearly or maybe you don't believe you have what it takes to accomplish your goals, if you've really set any at this point in time.  Your life is very full with raising your girls, that takes lots of energy and I know you fret about whether you're doing a good job.  Let me assure you, you're doing a great job.  Your daughters are going to be fantastic, strong, competent women who give you the most lovely grand babies.  But let's not get off the subject at hand, there's plenty of time to talk about that later.

Here's the question.  Have you forgotten how to dream?  I'd like to make a few suggestions that might help you let go of all your own plans and just dream about what life might be if you quit trying so hard. What if you simply opened your hands to receive the next thing that came your way.  All your striving and trying to "get it right" might be keeping you from experiencing some really great things and some wonderful people.  What follows is a little list of how to get yourself in a position to dream again.

#1 - Just BE.  

Quit doing all the things for all the people so that they will need you and you will feel important because you're needed.  You are already important without doing one single thing.  You're value is not based on what you DO or how much you serve that organization or where you live or how much money you have or do not have or whether you're single, married, divorced, childless, working, non-working, schooling, not schooling.  Also, you are NOT an extension of your spouse.  You are an individual who is perfectly able to have a life that supports and builds up your spouse without diminishing who you were created to be.  And another thing, you are not an extension of your children and they are not extensions of you.  They are unique individuals who need to be allowed to follow their dreams apart from what Mom and/or Dad believes is good for them.  Caveat here...I'm not saying you give children free reign, you are to steward their lives not live vicariously through them.  Enjoy your children's successes but have some of your very own.

#2 - Think about what YOU need.
Self care.  I'm convinced you have no idea what this word even means.  It's more than just making sure you are clean and put together.  So, take some time to think about how to care for YOU.  Not just on the outside but on the inside too.  What helps you relax? What do you enjoy doing just for yourself?  I know this will be difficult because it's new and different but trust me, you will be a much happier human when you make intentional time to do something just for you. And, don't let anyone give you a guilt trip over the fact that you spend money and time on yourself.  (see #7 and exclude this person from your squad, immediately)

#3 - Get Outside
I don't mean go outside and DO something, like mow the grass or weed the flower bed.  This is also not getting outside to take a walk for exercise, no fast moving.  This is a time to BE in the great outdoors.  Enjoy the scenery.  Listen for the birds, look at the flowers, walk down the street and notice the sky, the sunset, the moon the stars.  If you must get in the car in order to escape responsibilities, do it.  You don't have to drive a hour away, go ten minutes to the nearest park or a different neighborhood.  Commune with nature a little, without any distraction. 

#4 - Journal
Write down EVERYTHING, not just the hard things.  Keep a little notebook beside your bed, when an idea drops into your heart write it down.  Don't ignore those little thoughts that just seem to pop up from no where.  They're coming to you from deep inside, from the Spirit of creativity, from the creator himself.  He knows you because he made you.  He's the one who knows what you should do next because he is the one who made the plans for your life way back even before you were born so take note, literally.  Also, write about all the funny/crazy things the girls do.  You think you'll remember them but believe me, that razor sharp memory doesn't last forever.

#5 - Have FUN.
You've gotten a little too serious.  I'm not sure if it's all the really hard things that seem to be a regular part of your life or the church affiliation you've chosen but you need to loosen up.  I think Jesus would agree.  I guarantee Jesus and the disciples sat around cutting up and enjoying life, not at the expense of others, mind you, but they had a good time.  And you know the Bible thumpers of his day didn't call him a wino because he was drinking grape juice.  Relax, have a glass of wine and enjoy an evening rocking on the porch.  Better yet, invite a friend over to join you, have some good conversation about nothing serious and enjoy the time being together, no agenda, just delight in the people you are.

#6 - Listen to your Inner Voice
You have a good intuitive nature and you are a smart woman.  Use your brain and make the decisions your gut is telling you to make instead of listening to what other people say.    You have everything you need in you to make the best decision for YOU.  No one else knows what is best for you, except you.  So, do whatever needs to be done to silence those people who question what you're doing.  For some reason we humans just love same...same thinking, same doing, same little rigid lines and tight boxes. We weren't created to be the same as anyone else, so simply be YOU.

#7 - Be a Cheerleader and Find some Cheerleaders
I know this will be difficult because there just aren't very many women who believe there's room for everyone.  Sad to say, a lot of women can't cheer for you because they don't want to see you accomplish what they won't try.  Of course they don't see it and neither do you, that's why I'm telling you.  When that competitive spirit lifts its ugly head, you need to squash it, kill it even.  There is room for everyone to do their thing and just because they're doing it over there doesn't mean you can't do it over here.  This life is BIG and out of the box and there's no need to compare or compete, both those things will keep you from the deep connection your heart craves.  Remember that, it's important.

I think seven suggestions is just the right number.  I hope you don't feel overwhelmed and that you'll remember that there is no practice makes perfect...that little lie will trip you up for a long time so listen to my voice, practice makes progress.  That's what we're after, progress not perfection.  Oh, and you're doing fine, just fine.  Every day, every minute every hour you are just fine, even though you don't feel fine. You're gonna make it.  (cue Mary Tyler Moore theme song)

I love you friend,
Lisa
xoxo

IF:

As I prepare to host our 5th IF: Local Gathering, I can't help but take a look back at all the other times we gathered women in our local area for a time of seeking God's face and asking ourselves questions about the ways we are spending our one life.  Every single year since the inception of IF, God has unfolded a little more of his plans for our lives, for our healing and freedom. 

February 8, 2014, the second day of the very first IF: Gathering is a day I won't soon forget.  Sitting on the floor of our church with a small group of 4 or 5 women I poured out my heart all broken and bleeding.  That day would have been my 29th wedding anniversary. Instead of celebrating those years of good and hard with flowers and a candle light dinner,  I was waiting for the mail carrier to deliver my Final Divorce Order.  That first IF: Gathering Saturday, our hearts joined as my friend prayed over me and asked God to meet me in the doubt and fear of what life would be going forward.  Raw, messy, transparent, vulnerable fear was met with kind, gracious, tender love and I will be forever grateful for the opportunity to be known in such a rare and beautiful way.

There are three of us who attended that first gathering in 2014 who have continued to support, promote, and engage with women from different parts of the country who also have attended an IF event, whether that be the gathering in Austin, or Dallas or locally.  We are a sisterhood of freedom fighters who carry a torch that we pray ignites the whole world with love.  Each of us unique in our places, putting one foot in front of the other day in and day out realizing dreams God has placed in us and had planned for us from before we were born. Those good works that he had prepared and is causing to flourish as we simply join him where he is already at work spreading love and speaking welcome.

So this evening, as I prepare to light candles and heat up soup and place flowers on the table for my local sisters, I cannot help but smile to myself knowing there are hearts all over the globe that will be touched as women gather for a fifth IF: Gathering.  We are all connected, we are all different and we are all LOVED so very much just as we are right.this.moment. 

If you are not familiar with IF: Gathering but would like to be, click this link.  I can guarantee if you are willing to risk, God will meet you wherever you are with exactly what you need and you will be amazed over and over at His scandalous love for you and the tender ways he shows up to answer your questions or connect you to exactly what/who you need to take the next step toward living in freedom.

xoxo
Lisa