My Cisa Name

Thursday, May 26, 2011

A Little Deeper

And it continues, the journey, the calling to something more, something deeper...and I cringe at the thought of more TRUTH revealed...truth about things I am and have been and regret and detest and I read:

"Long, I am woman who speaks but one language,
the language of the fall--discontentment and self-condemnation,
 the critical eye and the never satisfied" 
      ~Ann Voskamp

and the truth of those words hangs in my mind, my heart, searing who I want to be and revealing who I really am.  And I think on it and resist naming it because when you give it a name, it becomes real and then it must be dealt with.  No longer acceptable to sweep it under the rug or turn a blind eye, because you are no longer blind to the truth. Until it is confronted there will be no will hang there, waiting, taunting, begging for attention, action of some sort.


sears into the heart, reveals things long hidden, pushed down hopefully to be pushed out but it's always there...waiting


That's what I have asked for, healing.  That's the road I want to take, the trudging through the mud and muck to get to the cool green grass that's waiting on the other side of hurt, the trudging through thoughts of regret, things undone and realizing that attitudes are caught..hard laborious marching on to the next revelation of truth knowing that truth brings with it hope...hope of change, hope of what can only be accomplished when we are honest~

honest about who we really are
 and what we see when we are confronted with the TRUTH.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Love Is...

Anyone remember these from the newspapers years ago?

I remember one such that I clipped,  "Love is...never having to say you're sorry".  I probably still have that yellowed, tattered piece of newspaper in a box somewhere in the attic!!

When we think about "LOVE" we often think that we should express our love to another with deeds of kindness or gifts, even gifts of time.  I actually have a little cross I received at a ladies conference as a momento from the keynote speaker that says LOVE DOES and I certainly don't want to discount  that in order for people to know we love them, we have to express it.  But what if we expressed it by what we did not do...

" does not envy or boast;
it is not arrogant or rude.
  It does not insist on its own way;
 it is not irritable or resentful,
 it does not rejoice in wrongdoing..."
 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 

ENVY...always being content with our lot in life


As I read the words IRRITABLE and RESENTFUL I was struck by the fact that I am often irritated by one thing or another and frequently I am confronted with the fact that I resent having to do this or that and if we're going to be brutally honest here I do like for things to be done my way...control is something else God has been working out of my life over the past few years...I'm a control freak in recovery! ;o) 

One of the AMAZING things about having a relationship with Jesus is that when the Spirit of Truth reveals these things to your heart and you ask Him to help you recognize when you're doing it...HE WILL!  In fact, the morning I read these words and asked to be reminded, He reminded me all right.  About an hour later I found myself in a situation at work becoming increasingly IRRITATED and immediately the thought came..."you're doing it".  WOW!! I was rebuked, and awed by the answer to my prayer, and the subsequent flow of grace that came and enabled me to continue my work with a different attitude. 

I don't know about you, but I want the people I come into contact with to know I love them...whether it's my family, my friends, my co-workers or someone I hardly know at all who God sovereignly appoints to come across my path on any given day!

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another,
 just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. 
 By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another" 
John 13:34-35

"Pursue love..."
1 Corinthians 14...the very first words!

Sunday, May 15, 2011

The Beginning

Truth be told I've lived in fear for most of my life.  When I was a child it was a fear of the dark, never ever going down the hallway to my bedroom without the hall light on or snakes, hate, hate HATE snakes or some other random thing.  As I got older the fear became a little more sophisticated, more inward, hidden, at least I thought so~I'd call them big girl fears, but fear just the same.  Fear of failing, fear of disappointing someone, fear of rejection, fear of being alone, etc. etc.

Fear is a funny thing, it takes you captive and keeps you from experiencing things you are not completely comfortable with, such as writing a blog and having other people know about it, and possibly read it and them possibly THINK something about it and heaven forbid they (whoever "they" are) tell you what they're thinking about it and if it's negative, well then, you just quit doing it....

Over the past ten years, God has been systematically freeing me from my fears, one at a time it seems (I'm kindof a slow learner...had to do some repeating..isn't he gracious to us slow ones).  I don't think I realized just what a fearing heart I had until it came time to follow Him along a path totally unfamiliar, something new...a new calling...a calling to FREEDOM!! 

And that's where this little blog comes into play!  This is just the next step for me, another step towards total and complete freedom from fear.  As with each new assignment, I have trepidation looming in the recesses of my mind, threatening to keep me from chosing the "publish" button, which will allow "others" to get a peek into my heart, to really get to know the person inside the tall slender dark haired girl with the "very distinctive voice" (that's how some have described me).

I have no idea how this little adventure will turn out.  I'm just following along behind my Shephard day by day as I'm given a new challenge, a new goal and I know His grace will flow down and cover me as I attempt to obey His voice whispering soft and low to this little lamb....fear not, for I will go with you!
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