Invitation

My niece is getting married on November 4 which is just a couple of weeks away.  She is my brother's middle daughter.  I received a save the date magnet but I have yet to receive my personal invitation to her wedding.  She actually texted to ask my new address because I moved this summer so I was expecting to get my Official Invite in the snail mail.  I've gone to the mail box on a regular basis over the past several weeks, nothing.  I even called the local post office to see if perhaps some of my mail had gotten stuck at the post office.  Maybe the postal carrier thinks no one lives in my house.  I finally got a wreath on the door, a welcome mat and some mums out so surely when he/she passes by my residence they know someone lives there.  But so far no Invitation.

This wedding is a celebration and I know I'm invited to participate because I am, after all, the Father of the Bride's sister.  But there's nigling thought in the back of my mind that says until I receive the "Official Invite", I'm not really invited.

Have you ever felt that?  Knowing you're a part of the family and welcome to participate but deeply desiring an official invitation to join the celebration of life happening outside the four walls of your safe and cozy box?

When I observe the beauty evident in other humans showing up and the unique ways they are making art and offering that creative part of themselves to the world, I look back at myself and fear I am not enough.  I believe that my particular uniquness is boring, plain, simple, uninteresting.  I don't feel at all welcomed or invited, I feel inadequate.

I want to share my heart with people, right here in this small space on the blogesphere and outside the four walls of this computer screen.  You know what stops me?  Lies.  Perfection and Fear of Failure (two sides of the same coin).  Believing that no one really wants what I have to offer.  Showing up can be terrifying.  When you put yourself and your work out into the world you take a big risk of being evaluated, critiqued, judged and possibly rejected...yuck!

Moving from believing truth in my head to actually living in the free spaces is probably the most challenging part of this healing journey.  It's incredibly frustrating to know in your head that you're standing in your own way but not see with enough clarity or understand what it means physically to move. 

I'm a visionary, a top down thinker and identify most closely with the head triad of the Enneagram.  Translation:  I'm stuck in my head envisioning all these beautiful things and I don't have a clue how to move forward.  I get lost in all those details and then never make it to the end goal.  Becoming aware of these tendencies in myself has been extremely helpful.  I know I need an administrative type person to help me navigate the details and hold my feet to the fire. 

Since I know I need a plan as well as accountability and prefer to have a team atmosphere, the most logical solution was to gather some people.  So, I hired a life coach.  Outside of paying to see a counselor, this has been one of the best investments I've made thus far.  Karen brings a fresh perspective to my situations.  She isn't emotionally or physically invested in any decision I make so she is completely impartial and unbiased.  She listens and helps me process and together we come up with a plan to implement that will move me forward toward the goals we've identified.  And I was pleasantly suprised at the rates for a life coach, very manageable. 

Change requires us to identify the work that needs to be done and then move towards it.  If you have a desire, God has placed that in your heart so that you can reflect his beauty to all the other humans who are also invited.  Won't you join me?  The road can be rocky, but we have everything we need in us to do the work, we just have to decide that we're worth it!  And whether you believe that your not, you are! 

If you've happened upon this blog post and resonated with any of the things I've written here, I hope you will believe me when I say, "You're Invited".  Please consider this your official invite to get out of your comfortable box, spend a little money if you need to, and offer your unique beauty to the world around you, at your work place, in your neighborhood.  And if your first response upon reading that sentence was "I can't", here's your first assignment, should you choose to accept it:  Repeat after me, "I CAN". 

I'll leave you with the lyrics to a song, because music is a form of art and these words are beautiful and helpful.  I hope they encourage you wherever you are to take one step out. 

I Hope You'll Dance

Songwriters: Tia Sillers / Mark Sanders

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder

You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger

May you never take one single breath for granted

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance

I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance

Never settle for the path of least resistance

Livin' might mean takin' chances, but they're worth takin'

Lovin' might be a mistake, but it's worth makin'

Don't let some Hellbent heart leave you bitter

When you come close to sellin' out, reconsider

Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance (Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along)

I hope you dance

I hope you dance (Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder)

I hope you dance (Where those years have gone?)

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

Dance

I hope you dance

I hope you dance (Time is a wheel in constant motion always rolling us along)

I hope you dance (Tell me who wants to look back on their years and wonder?)