Why I Noonday

In March I began a new journey with a socially responsible business called Noonday Collection.  I won't go into all the details of what Noonday is, you'll have to attend or Hostess a Trunk Show for that information (insert wink here).

"When I look across the globe I don't see a stranger,

I see myself"

That's the first statement in our Noonday Ambassador Manifesto.  When I read our April Artisan Story and met Sunita I connected to her heart right away.  Make sure to click the link above and read her story of transformation.

Every story is unique.  Until you are reminded of where you once were and how you've worked and changed and scratched your way into a new space of time, you don't really think much about how you lived in the past.  I had to gain some ground before I could look back and really see how far I've come.  Today, I have a good job that supports me and by the end of this year, I will be totally supporting myself for the first time in over 30 years.  God has provided ways for me to step into a life where I feel I have power over the decisions I make, I have power to determine how I spend my money, I get to decide when I go to sleep and when I get up and how and who I allow to be a part of my every day life.  THIS is freedom.  THIS is WHY I Noonday.  God has helped me harness the power that was within me all along and step into a Life I Love and I want to walk alongside and give that same opportunity to women here in West Virginia AND across the globe.

Starting my own business was never, ever a part of my original plan.  I don't think I really believed I could do it, be totally responsible for myself.  There are lots of reasons for my limited thinking and the beliefs I had about myself and women in general, but I won't go into those here.  For now, know that YOU CAN do anything you set your mind to do, even if you have no idea today what that might look like. Just take the first step out and trust, let go of _____, believe you CAN and then, 

DO THE WORK!  

The life you want isn't gonna just fall into your lap and no prince on a white horse is gonna come rescue you from behind the stone walls you've built.  My advice, find a trusted friend, tell her all the things and then take the first step.  You do not have to remain where you are but it will take tenacity and doing hard things go get to a new place.  You have everything IN YOU that you need to create a life you absolutely adore.  A life that makes you Happy!  

P.S. It's Okay to Be Happy Here!

Lovable? Yes, You Are

"She was loved not because she is lovable but because God is loving"  

Proverbs 23:7 states:  as a man (or woman) thinks in his/her heart, so is he/she.  So if you believe that you are "unlovable" then you will strive and perform and search for the approval of people, especially those in authority, to give you value.

When you believe you aren't lovable, you'll doubt yourself unless you have applause. 

When you believe you aren't lovable, you'll compare yourself to others

and complete for the position of "accepted and valuable"

the coveted prize handed down by the few who set the image standard

When you believe you aren't lovable you'll FEAR all the time

You'll worry you aren't good enough and be

anxious that they'll see your humanness so you'll craft images to hide it.

 And when you fail, you'll believe you're less than others.  

You won't know you're perfect just the way you are and loved because of 

who you are not because of what you do or how you appear (image).

Would a father tell his daughter she isn't lovable?  I can't imagine a good, whole hearted man who would ever tell his daughter she wasn't lovable.

As I read the words in quotes above, my heart twists and grieves for those who buy into such a philosophy. Not so long ago, I fell into that category, the one who doesn't know she is lovable.  The basis of this thinking? God is good but I am not.  God loves me because of who He is not because of who I am.  I am his creation but I'm not lovable...that makes no logical sense.

I'm not sure how this gets all twisted up in our hearts.  Maybe it comes from the idea that we humans are bad, born bad.  Not that we're born human but born bad.  That's not what Genesis says, it says God created and called what he had created good.  And further states that the human he breathed the breath of life into was very good.

Have you ever looked at a baby straight from the womb?  Have you ever just stared intently at the soft pink skin, the tiny fingers and toes and even smaller finger nails and marveled at the goodness of it?  Those tiny humans, they're good, very good.  They are magnificent creatures, born into a world that's all twisted up.  Babies know from whence they've come, that they are "born of love".  It's the adults who have forgotten.  We've forgotten that we are created in love, born in love and always and forever loved fully, completely accepted and valuable.

I've been on a journey back, back to the beginning, back to find my true Self, the one who is made from love, the one created in the image of God.  The image of man is empty.  The images we curate to help us make sense of our world, to keep us safe and in demand, you know the ones.  They're the Fear images.  They show up at gatherings of other humans all spit shined, ready to do all the things that garner approval and please all the other people while neglecting themselves.  They serve on committees and tell the jokes and cook the food and clean the things and keep the children in line and are never tired, seemingly and in need of nothing.  But that's not WHO we are because we've forgotten that we are not what we DO or WEAR or MAKE or HAVE.  Our identity is none of those things.  Our identity is Love.  We've simply forgotten.

But, what we believe in our heart about who we are will definitely play out in our every day.  Believing we're not good enough, not lovable will keep us striving and working, trying to earn instead of resting, abiding with God in the love from which we were created.

There is a shift happening.  The opening of the eyes of the blind and the ears of the deaf.  Jesus said, He who has ears to hear let him hear.  I don't think we're listening to the right voice.  I know I wasn't.  I had been conditioned since childhood to listen to the voice of a man outside of myself instead of the voice of God IN me.  I trusted the humans outside of myself to tell me what I needed to do and how I should be spending my time and money and living my one life instead of listening to the voice in me.  I was told so many half truths that it's taken a lot of years and some very intensive work in my heart/mind for me to really believe that I am loved and lovable.  The untangling and the opening of my heart to love is an amazing journey with God.

I felt compelled to share my thoughts here, not because I want to debate or try to convince you of anything.  That's not my place, not my calling.  Why? Well, because I'm not God.  I desire to tell a different story and I offer it here.  If it resonates with you, great.  Maybe you will begin to believe that you are lovable, fully and deeply loved as you are.  You don't have to earn anything, you can just BE without DOing a single thing and you are lovable right now.  You delight God to the point that He sings over you.  I'm not sure God would sing over his creation that he didn't consider lovable.

she believed in her heart that she was lovely and she was.

the love radiated from a heart, broken open and put back together again.

she was so filled up with love for herself and all of creation

 that it spilled out onto everyone she came into contact with.

fear and anxiety got out of the way because perfect love casts out fear

the love never ran out and never ran low and she blossomed and bloomed

into a sweet smelling garden of everything she was intended to be from the beginning

we need not compare or compete to be lovely

we need not show up as an image of perfect to be lovable

we need not fear showing our humanness

we need not wear ourselves out with the working

we ARE lovable

just as we are in this moment.

God is more than loving, God IS Love and we are created in HIS image.

1 John 4

Two Years To The Day

I'll never forget that phone call, where I was, what I was doing.  I can see it in my mind's eye.  What we all feared was inevitable if something didn't change.  What could we do?  Almost nothing.

A few months ago over lunch, a friend spoke these words, "there was nothing you could have done to change a thing".  As tears spilled over and streaked my face, I was fully aware of what she was saying.  It was out of my control. The choice to use was hers, is mine.

It comes at the most unexpected times.  Today, on the date anniversary, I've been "fine".  Last week, it crept in like a dark cloud, overshadowing every detail of my day.  I felt it, thick, all encompassing, pressing into my heart.  I didn't know at the time what it was.  As I sat and asked the Spirit what was happening, I heard it, Grief.

When I shared with a friend at work she said "grief from an out of order death is different".  Disordered, meaning I should have passed before she did, it was out of the regular order of things.  I have processed other types of loss, including my Dad's passing but I have never experienced anything similar to the dark shadows of this type of grief.

For many years I buried all the "bad" emotions, kept silent, pushed them down trying to avoid feeling the pain.  Or I kept busy, going fast, filling my days with activities to distract, always having something playing in my ears, avoiding the quiet so I wouldn't have to feel.  Of course, I wasn't aware at the time.  My yoga practices have provided a new way, a better way.  A way that doesn't cause my body to hold the toxic energy of loss, disappointment, regret, or any other emotion that could settle into my body and cause dis-ease.  Sitting with the emotion, acknowledging it's presence, greeting it even, and releasing it is my process now.  This requires intention, making space to feel and a time of quiet.  Sitting still and allowing the pain to rise to the surface so it can be released.  This process is simple but never easy.  I resist the pain, avoid the quiet.  In the end, it always produces the most glorious reward.  A pouring out, usually through the ducts in my eyes.  And then resignation.  It is what it is.  No judgment, no commentary, no what if's.

Today, I honor the memory of Chasity Dawn Shingleton.  It goes without saying we miss her presence in our family and wonder how and why the beast that is addiction stole her away.  It was a slow fade, one we bore witness to and had no idea how to enter.  We did the best we could.  That's really the point, isn't it?  We're all just doing the best we can.