My Cisa Name

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Scarlett Syndrome

I don't want to think about that today, I'll think about that tomorrow.  After all, tomorrow is another day!                          ~Scarlett O'Hara

Ok, today is a NEW day...that was my FIRST thought as I awakened this morning and made a list in my mind of all I have NOT accomplished in the past few weeks/months/years.  I grab my glasses and head to the kitchen to get coffee so I can function and get a list going of all that needs to be accomplished.  I sit in the "front room" (my favorite room for thinking/reading/praying) and contemplate where to begin.  Distractions are ever present in my life.  Why can't I keep myself "on task"?  Sometimes I do rather well, then I get "distracted" by something more enjoyable or creative (not so mundane as dishes, laundry, or getting the Thanksgiving gravy stains out of my white linen tablecloth) Or someone else's urgent cry for help which requires me to change my plans, right now, to accomodate their need!

I think I may have a stronghold, strike that, I KNOW there is a stronghold on my heart of procrastination and down right slothfulness (that's a harsh Biblical word for ya, what we like to dumb down and call laziness).  I also know that there is something deeper that causes me to not want to go forward.  How do I get to the root?  And when I finally find the root, how do I dig it out?  And do I really want to dig it out and get rid of I want victory over this ever present nagging feeling that I'm not getting it done?  Do I always want to be making baby E's turkey shirt on Thanksgiving Eve, or wrapping or worse yet purchasing my final Christmas gift the day before?

The answer to all of those questions is a resounding "NO"!  I desire to be organized, to plan ahead and not be in bondage!  But where to start?  I could read a book or better yet a blog (I LOVE reading blogs and getting ideas).  BUT that's where it ends, I go a little bit, I read and plan and think about it, and maybe even begin...but how to finish?  

Some of you may say "Lisa, you're being too hard on yourself.  I've seen you do things and make things, and when I come to your house, it's mostly neat and clean, and you usually have some yummy chocolate something you've baked".  And that's true to a certain extent.  But, I think my daughter's would agree that I have a problem in this area.  They've been here Christmas after Christmas as I struggle to get it all done before December 25!  It always gets done, eventually, but I want to enjoy the season (and my life), not strive and hurry and miss all the fun things because I'm behind! 

So, from today until December 25 I'm going to check in here EVERY DAY and give a little synopsis of how I'm doing with the ever growing list of things that need to be done!

1 Corinthians 10:31 Paul admonishes
 "So, whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God"

Part of my struggle I think comes from RUNNING away from a performance based philosophy that was emphasized for years from numerous people in my life.  I believed the lie that God (and some people) would accept/love me if I "performed" the way they wanted me to. I believed that my husband would love me if I did things HIS way or that my church family would KNOW I was "spiritual" IF so-and-so was present or absent in my life.  After years of living around people who expected me to perform in certain ways in order for them to give me their love/acceptance/approval, I've stopped!  God has revealed His grace to me in such a profound way.  I know that He accepts me, loves me and has made me JUST THE WAY I AM for a His particular purpose. 

 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. 
Wonderful are your works  (that means me and you) my soul knows it very well.
Psalm 139:14

BUT, in stopping I've become, or given in to laziness because I know I don't have to perform to be accepted, so, sometimes, I don't!!  That's the bottom line, I just sit down and do nothing!!  Obviously this is not a balanced approach!  So I will take baby steps and allow my family to help keep me accountable in this area.  That's a whole nother post, allowing people to keep you accountable!

I'm asking for help, and I won't be offended if you remind me, well, maybe at first, but then I'll realize it's for my own good and you love me, that's why you're reminding me!  So with the help of my friends and family maybe I can stop living life stuck in the Scarlett Syndrome and adopt a better phylosophy, one that allows me to enjoy my life here on earth and live every minute with intentionality and grace given by my loving Father.

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