My Cisa Name

Saturday, December 24, 2011


When I type the word, "stretching" it conjures up a certain feeling in my heart...a hurt...because things are tight there.  Like all muscles the heart gets tight when it isn't stretched.  And so it begins continues, the process of stretching, pulling, tearing away the hardness the tightness, causing the heart to feel.

I read this during the past week and recognize what happens this time of year and other times when our regular schedule of events is "interrupted" by a holiday gathering or some other such event that is unusual in our day-to-day activies and requires more, more of us!  I read and I contemplate what it means and am reminded of what will inevitably come over the next few days.

I recognize what will come and what will be required but I really just don't want to go there.
It's like physical therapy, painful, tiring, weakening before stregthening...
WHY, why would I want to subject myself to that rigor? 

So the week passes and it happens and I fail miserably to be full of grace.  I am short-tempered, irritated, selfish and unloving in my heart.  Others can see it happening and call me out, but I don't want to see the ugliness of all that is there, just brimming at the edge, ready to spill over on anyone who "bumps" into me!  So I wrestle with the whys and the if-onlys and am reminded (when I ask of my Father) that the WHY is for me!  He desires to show me my need of Him, my utter dependence on Spirit dwelling in me to enable this grace walk I so desire.  And slowly the understanding of truth resurfaces and the ugliness pours out in prayer before the Throne of Grace where I beg for Him, knowing full well I cannot survive another minute with this poison spilling out.  And He comes and gives freely what I so desperately need..a heart full of praise to Him, thankfulness for Him and a knowledge that He knows what is best for me, what will stretch me, what will cause me to see HIM and know that nothing can compare with knowing HIM!!

He sacrificed ALL!

I am called to do the same, sacrifice ALL!!

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